Ok, so we have gotten this one book that is called "the official guide to disfunctional parenting". ITS AMAZING! And its a nice breather from all of the intense baby books we have been plowing through for 8 months now. I just want to share some of the little gems that i have discovered in this book of amazingness that you can find on amazon.com or any local barnes and noble....
Child Ask question: "Daddy, why am i here?"
Dad: "Well we screwed up pretty bad on your sister, so you are kinda like a do-over."
or
"Tax write-off"
or
"We assumed the third time would be a girl."
or
"to save our marriage...and you know how well that worked out..."
When you unwrap your fathers day tie say "and you expect me to wear this?!??!"
"Project: find photos of you and your kids when they were very young. Photoshop a random child into it and hang it on the wall. Whenever your kids act up say "timmy used to do that" and glance at the photo, and leave it at that."
If they complain "you love margaret more than me" reply, "you had to find out sometime".
If they ask why you have so many more photos of your oldest tell them that it is always more exciting the first time around.
If your toddler tends to use her left hand, sew the left sleeve to her shirt so she switches to the "correct hand".
Be sure not to put your kids in your will, or they will kill you...
Tell them bad dreams are Gods way of telling them "Be good, or this will happen to you".
When they say "Daddy, im afraid of the dark" reply, "Yeah, i see what you mean. All kinds of dangerous things are probably just waiting for you to turn out the lights."
3 comments:
so do both of you guys read all the parenting and baby books, or do you just read the fun ones? i can't get kyle to read ANYthing! i think you need to tell kyle what's up and let him know he needs to be more like you!
I am still laughing!! The problem is that I KNOW you are going to do some of those things...ah, my poor grandkids!!
Mom, I don't blame you for being scared. Just think of how I'm feeling--those are MY kids he's talking about! :)
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